Pi Face's Zetta Wonderful Maths Class
by Frog-kun
Summary: Minamimoto quits his steady job as a Reaper in order to become a maths teacher.


**Summary: **Minamimoto quits his steady job as a Reaper in order to become a maths teacher.

**Pi-Face's Zetta Wonderful Maths Class**

"Good morning, Minamimoto-sensei."

"So zetta dull! You factoring hectopascals, show some more enthusiasm! Define the limit approaching infinity!"

"GOOD MORNING, MINAMIMOTO-SENSEI!"

"Not bad. I like the frozen look of fear on your expanded quartic forms. So today, I'm here to teach you the beauty of pi. 3. 1415926535 8979323846 2643383279 5028841971 6939937510 5820974944 5923078164 0628620899 8628034825 3421170679. Are you noting this down, brainless binomials?"

"Um, sensei... this is an algebra class."

"Your opinions are garbage. I'm adding it to the heap! CRUNCH! Your calculator too."

"B-But, my mother bought that for 200,000 yen!"

"I don't care if she paid 10 to the power of 50 yen for it! CRUNCH! There, all better."

While the students watched on in stunned silence, Minamimoto began to construct one of his "works of art" in front of the doorway.

"Inverse matrix! I'll need more calculators to make this work..."

It was at this point that Minamimoto's hapless students began to actively fear for their lives.**

* * *

**

At the end of fifty minutes, Minamimoto began handing out sheets of paper to the students. It was the algebra test, although all of the questions were crossed out with permanent marker. Only one question remained, having clearly been added at the end in block-like letters.

_Write Pi to 100 decimal places._

The students gazed mournfully at the remains of their calculators.**

* * *

**

"So zetta slow!"

Minamimoto stomped around the room, cracked his knuckles and then produced a megaphone seemingly from thin air.

"SINE! COSINE! TANGENT!"

"So, um, we're moving on to trigonometry?"

"That's right. You factoids were so zetta dumb at pi, I'm not even gonna bother teaching you."

"But what about the exams?"

"Some Other Hotshot Can Arrest His Ton Of Asparagus. So what if you fail at life? Exams don't mean digits!"

Minamimoto spent the rest of the lesson drawing up hyperbola and truncus graphs.**

* * *

**

It turned out that not only did the principal of the school have absolutely no idea who Minamimoto-sensei was, Minamimoto-sensei was also on the run from the police, or at least strange, hooded individuals who looked intimidating enough to belong on the police force.

Two of them stormed in during one particular maths lesson, when Minamimoto was stretched out lazily across his desk reciting the numbers in the Fibonacci sequence. They tried to yank on his arm, which didn't work in quite the way they must have intended because Minamimoto's answer was to punch both of them in the face. That sent them reeling, and then the good teacher floored them with a roundhouse kick before dragging them out the door to some place unknown.

Minamimoto returned at length, stretched his arms and then his legs. He sat back down at his desk, cleared his throat and resumed reciting the Fibonacci sequence from the 87th term. He got up the 145th term by the time the bell signalling the end of class rang.**

* * *

**

"Excuse me, Minamimoto-sensei?"

"What do you want, hectopascal?"

"Uh, this might be a weird question, but uh... Can you do a German Suplex?"

Minamimoto responded by grabbing the student around the waist, lifting him up and then falling backwards. The student crashed into the carpet and was left nursing the bruise on his back. Minamimoto regarded this all with a broad smirk.

"Heh. Answer your question?"

"Uh, yep!"

From that day forth, the male students, at least, began to take a shine to Minamimoto-sensei.**

* * *

**

"Listen up, you festering factoids! Today, I'm gonna teach you something very important."

"What is it, sensei?"

"Any sound can shake the air. My voice shakes the heart!"

At this clear, blatant sign of arrogance, the female students suddenly found themselves in love.

**

* * *

**

"Sho Minamimoto, may I have a word with you?"

The sight of the strange woman at the door inspired much whispering among Minamimoto's devoted students.

"Awwww, is that Minamimoto-sensei's girlfriend?"

"She's got a huge rack!"

Minamimoto silenced them all with a simple wave of his hand.

"Yo, Konishi," he said. "You're subtracting from my being-worshiped-time."

"What do you think you're doing? You can't just abandon your post when you-know-what is coming up!"

"What, a Game?"

"You've failed to respond to all the previous summons, so I've come to collect you."

"I have a decillion better things to do."

"Like having a stint as a maths teacher? Honestly, what are you doing in the RG?"

"Expanding the maximal subset of my domain. I consider it practice for when I'm the Composer."

"... What?"

Minamimoto turned to the class. "Stand up, fractals!"

The students stood up.

"Recite pi to 100 decimal places!"

"3. 1415926535 8979323846 2643383279 5028841971 6939937510 5820974944 5923078164 0628620899 8628034825 3421170679!"

Konishi was spectacularly unimpressed. "So what does this achieve?"

"That I am a zetta brilliant teacher, what else? I gave up on this lot and yet they put in the effort to produce one yoctogram of my awesomeness."

"... And you say this is practice for when you're the Composer?"

"Zetta duh! I can divide by zero!"

"Good grief."**

* * *

**

Minamimoto-sensei did eventually leave, much to the dismay of his students. As Konishi glowered at him from behind the trash heap, Minamimoto performed a farewell speech to his students.

"Worship me forever. God exists and his name is Sho Minamimoto."

That was all, really. He left amid a burst of applause as well as to the sound of emotional tears.

_The converse:  
_Their parents, teachers and principal were not nearly as impressed with Minamimoto's teaching skills. Not only did all the students fail their end-of-year maths exam, they never did get any compensation for their broken calculators either. As for Minamimoto, he was never seen again. His trash heap became the sole evidence of his existence. Fortunately, it still exists in the school's art gallery to this day and is considered by the majority of the student body to be a flawless work that embodies the true spirit of art.

**Fin**


End file.
